Shades of Blue

In between loads of laundry, I somehow relived my high school memories. I pulled one of my collared shirts from the dirty hamper, the plaid one with infinitesmal blue and white squares. I don't why, but somehow I started recounting my days in high school.

Holding it in my hands, I remembered wearing this shirt almost weekly in high school. I would roll the sleeves up to my elbows, and the soft cotton would be like a pillow on the hardwood desk. I'd carefully fold my arms, lower my head, and slip into dream land. I remember wearing this shirt when I had the weekly Friday night hang outs: crazy games of Sardines, some intense Cranium, or relaxing late night movies.

I remembered the night when I walked barefoot for five miles in the shirt, when I literally walked away from home and the family that was in it. Each of my heels had a blister the size of a half dollar for a month. I remembered that my life wasn't perfect, that my one year depression in junior year and the following senior year of numbness did, in fact, occur.

I mention it now, because from time to time I have the same numbness. The feeling that my motions throughout the day are rhythmic and stale. My contributions to conversations fall short to "hello" and "goodbye." Somehow, I've forgetten to forge something original in between. Nothing is excessively great, and I feel mundane or else preoccupied with crafting some happy exterior. Then, I dive into this busy lifestyle of routines and stop at nothing to excel in those routines. And in the end to be dissappointed by a grade, some words, or silence. And all this from just a damn blue shirt.

I realize that like laundry aired out to dry, we have to expose what is hidden in cycles of secrecy for anything to come out clean. The grit and grime evaporate until there's nothing left but the original material, the pure thread. We've all had some dark shade of blue in our lives, but to share the hues, the experiences, is better than being silently numb. If anything, we have a starting anecdote, a small beginning to a conversation while we wait for something amazing to come.